They decide
To go out to a pub
For lunch.
The pub they decide
To go out to
Is called the
Fox and Hunting Horn at
Newton-on the-Moor,
Northumberland.
But there is a problem:
It is 11.55am
And they are in
Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
Which is nearly five hundred miles
Away from
Newton-on the-Moor,
Northumberland,
As the crow flies.
And they have no car;
Crows don't have cars.
A taxi is possible,
But it will cost
Several hundred pounds
And the journey will take
Several hours,
Which is several hours
Too long
Because they are hungry now.
Five hundred miles
Is a long way
To go for lunch,
If it is already
Lunch time where you are
At the moment,
Unless you are very hungry
Indeed.
Instant gratification
Is not the immediate objective,
But imminent gratification
Most certainly is.
So instead of going to
The Fox and Hunting Horn at
Newton-on the-Moor,
Northumberland,
They decide to go, instead, to
A pub called
The Ship and Mermaid
In Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
Which is just round the corner
In Middle Street,
From where they are standing now
In the rain.
It is horizontal rain
And there is a wind-chill
Factor of minus 7
Degrees Celsius.
It may be warmer
In Northumberland,
But the Cornish pasties
Are closer
In Port Isaac.
And the potential saving
On the taxi fare
Is not inconsiderable.
Scrooge-like frugality
Is not the immediate objective,
But prudent cost control
Most certainly is.
But there is a downside
To rejecting
The Northumberland option:
At the Fox and Hunting Horn at
Newton-on the-Moor,
They serve
Sheepshagger's Five Star from the wood,
Whereas at the Ship and Mermaid
In Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
The best they can manage
Is late-bottled
Amphibian urine.
In a perfect world,
The competing options
Would be less vertiginous,
And the decisions required
To navigate them
Less excruciating.
But, although, pleasant,
Neither Newton-on-the-Moor,
Northumberland,
Or Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
Is perfect.
However,
In the end,
And in the particular circumstances
Cited in this case,
Lunch turns out to be
Manifestly tolerable.
To go out to a pub
For lunch.
The pub they decide
To go out to
Is called the
Fox and Hunting Horn at
Newton-on the-Moor,
Northumberland.
But there is a problem:
It is 11.55am
And they are in
Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
Which is nearly five hundred miles
Away from
Newton-on the-Moor,
Northumberland,
As the crow flies.
And they have no car;
Crows don't have cars.
A taxi is possible,
But it will cost
Several hundred pounds
And the journey will take
Several hours,
Which is several hours
Too long
Because they are hungry now.
Five hundred miles
Is a long way
To go for lunch,
If it is already
Lunch time where you are
At the moment,
Unless you are very hungry
Indeed.
Instant gratification
Is not the immediate objective,
But imminent gratification
Most certainly is.
So instead of going to
The Fox and Hunting Horn at
Newton-on the-Moor,
Northumberland,
They decide to go, instead, to
A pub called
The Ship and Mermaid
In Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
Which is just round the corner
In Middle Street,
From where they are standing now
In the rain.
It is horizontal rain
And there is a wind-chill
Factor of minus 7
Degrees Celsius.
It may be warmer
In Northumberland,
But the Cornish pasties
Are closer
In Port Isaac.
And the potential saving
On the taxi fare
Is not inconsiderable.
Scrooge-like frugality
Is not the immediate objective,
But prudent cost control
Most certainly is.
But there is a downside
To rejecting
The Northumberland option:
At the Fox and Hunting Horn at
Newton-on the-Moor,
They serve
Sheepshagger's Five Star from the wood,
Whereas at the Ship and Mermaid
In Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
The best they can manage
Is late-bottled
Amphibian urine.
In a perfect world,
The competing options
Would be less vertiginous,
And the decisions required
To navigate them
Less excruciating.
But, although, pleasant,
Neither Newton-on-the-Moor,
Northumberland,
Or Port Isaac,
Cornwall,
Is perfect.
However,
In the end,
And in the particular circumstances
Cited in this case,
Lunch turns out to be
Manifestly tolerable.
..................................................
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