Christmas metanarrative

Christmas is
The time each year
When Santa slips deftly
Down your chimney
And brings you a copy
Of the Holy Qur'an.

Christmas is
The annual festival
Designed by women
To celebrate the unnecessary pressure
They put on themselves
For about two months every year,
And to complain about it
To any man who will listen.

Christmas is
That happy festive time
When men cast away their cares
About cirrhosis of the liver,
And beer bellies
And indulge in a spot
Of chronic, well-lubricated
Male bonding.

Christmas is
When you go to a school nativity play
And discover
That the birth of Christ
Was attended by
A Barbie doll,
Several dolphins,
And thirty four
Illegal immigrants
In dirty-films raincoats.

Christmas is
When you spend hours
Getting your son's
New train set
Working perfectly,
Only to see him
Smash it up
In exasperation.

Christmas is
When you make the mistake
Of asking your wife
For sex
Under the Christmas tree
Before the presents have been
Unwrapped.



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